Monday, December 1, 2008

Hugs Vs. Kisses

Last night I had a very special discussion about the difference between hugs and kisses and which of the two hold the most power. Not like a "I have a power over you power" but a power that says which of the two ways of showing emotion is the most effective. I think I have come to the conclussion that the strength that a hug provides trumps that of kissing.

I don't mean to undermine the the beauty of a kiss. Let's face it, kissing is very calming and relaxing and it accompanies with it a sense of enjoyment and happiness. However, kisses don't always come frolicking hand-in-hand with safety.

Put yourself in this situation: Let's say that you have had a horrible day; almost to the point of tears...you come home and you there is a person you love (not necissarily a husband or a lover, maybe a friend or a family memeber). On days that are cold and bitter like that, we do not run up to that person and give them a huge kiss. At that moment, you don't want to engage in a kissing session; you want to be hugged! You want to be held! You want to know that you have someone there to connect with!

There is a reason for that! There is a safety in a hug that you don't get when you are kissed. There is an ability to know that the person holding you at that moment is on your side and going to stand with you through the tough time. A kiss just doesn't always provide that same potential. Do me a favor, go through your life and think about the times that you felt helpless, and what do you see you craved in that moment? (Other then chocolate, ice cream or clothes?) You wanted to be hugged or held or touched. Someone providing words just doesn't bestow the same well of feelings you get when you are held in a silent embrace.

When we are feeble babies, we are quieted knowing that we are in someone's arms. A mother or father can have their frustrations muted simply by picking up that baby and cradling it in their arms. A moment as simplistic as holding a baby, can make us feel like we can conquer the problems that plague us.

Now think back to when someone you love (relationship, friendship, family, etc.) is leaving from a vacation to see you, or they're heading out on a plane to go on a business trip, or maybe they're just heading home for the night. What, in that moment of departure, do we usually do as human beings? Well if it is a relationship or culturally acceptable, we can kiss them. However, even in that situation, the kiss is never the thing we leave doing. The kiss is the preemptive action to what? THE HUG!

Why do we do that? If you ask a million people they would tell you how much they love the kiss, and I could easily be counted in amongst those people. I love feeling that unparalelled enjoyment and pleasure that a kiss indulges. However, think of the emotions you have when you crave to be kissed.....now think of the emotions you have when you crave to be hugged.

Kissing just doesn't offer the same safety that hugging offers. So here is my challenge to whoever is reading this blog. We are becoming a nation (or a world even) that is beginning to feel like we are out there alone, we are not feeling safe (despite that through the internet the world is getting smaller.) My challenge is that we try to hug more (not strangers of course that would be just weird....or maybe strangers, I don't know whatever is comfortable). Go out and when you see someone who is in pain or who is having a bad day or who just is a little down from the pressures of the world. Don't just talk to them. Words only have power when you have the ability to back them up with actions. You have to help people understand that you are going to be there for them through every step of that pain or bad day or sadness. Give them a hug! Help them feel safe, knowing that when it is your turn to need to feel sheltered, you are going to want that same safety that you get with a simple hug!

5 comments:

J_Jammer said...

Like that random guy who hugs people and posted a video on Youtube? ha.

Yeah, hugs are better. Yappers.

YOJO said...

Yes they are mister. OH, CUZ, glad you are part of me now :) come visit me!!!!

Aimee said...

Very well said. I think instinctively I tend to associate hugs with love and kisses with passion... as you said, it's the comforting feeling that comes with a hug that makes it special... when someone envelops you, but in a care-giving-not-controlling sort of way. Kisses can be tender, hot, sweet... but don't seem to have the same secure feeling...

Amy said...

I agree. While kisses are often reserved for those closest relationships, hugs can be distributed freely, in most cases, without fear of an awkward moment. Being greedy with our hugs does no one any good. It's always to good to be reminded to spread the love. :)

And yes, I totally agree that a hug trumps a kiss every time. There's no other feeling like that "silent embrace," especially after a hard day.

Love you Jared!

Amber said...

I agree with you Jared. Even though hugs are given more freely than kisses (some people give kisses away freely too but we won't go there :)) , they can be more soothing and comforting. There also is the "fake hug". Say someone that i don't get along with, maybe our personalities clash, when we are say at a wedding, and i run into them, i'm still nice and say "hi" and give them a hug. I know there is a vice versa to that too. But ultimately, i do believe the hug is the simplest thing that can make someones day and put a smile on their face. And thats what counts right?